Well baby making has taken a break for now – the ovulation calls and texts on the mobile have stopped. I am free to attend to any friction burns that have arisen from repetitive love making and hang out with the little man running around who needs my attention too.
Zach is 3 years old in November. Seriously where the hell did those years go to! I swear I am about 3 inches shorter and have gained approximately 2 stone since then – it’s a good look! I have tons of grey hair and whilst I would love to put it down to work I don’t think, in all honesty, I can. I think primarily it is down to 3 years of 5.30am starts and a child that has more energy than Sellafield and Chernobyl combined.
Talking about toxic – we are now slowly working our way round to potty training.
If I’m honest Zach would probably stay in nappies his whole life. He loves nappies. He loves putting them on and taking them off and wearing them on his head. However it has reached the point where we have to explain that it is time for him to be a big boy and use the potty.
A part of the acclimatisation has been to get him to watch both Daddy and Mummy going to the toilet. Now I’m pretty toilet shy, I’m the kind of guy who stands at a urinal in the mens toilet for 5 minutes trying to muster some kind of action whilst others around me manage to just get on with it. This stage fright has on occasion resulted in some very odd looks as if I spend my time in men’s bathrooms just hanging around and checking people out.
Anyway for some reason this shyness doesn’t happen around Zach, instead it is replaced by humiliation and tears…… from me. For some reason Zach finds me going to the toilet utterly hilarious. Now I’m used to Sara laughing at me when I’m naked, that’s pretty much guaranteed, but my son doing it as well is just damn offensive and does nothing for my self confidence whatsoever. Yes I am humiliated by my 2 year old son.
Zach
He peers round the door to get a good look then runs off laughing as if it the most amusing thing he has ever seen. When I finish going to the toilet Zach claps and says ‘Daddy empty’ as if he is some self help guru trying to spur his client on.
The problem now is that whenever I am in a urinal I always think about him and how he reacts and burst into laughter. So not only do people think I’m in the toilet trying to pick up men but they also think I am slightly maniacally psychotic at the same time – This is also not a good look.
On the upside, sharing my toilet trips with Zach is working as he has started to copy and do as I do. When he needs a wee he rushes around like a child who has eaten 45 bags of Skittles whilst doing an impression of the guy from Riverdance until he finally submits and plonks himself on the potty and giggles riotously at what is taking place.
The main point is – Zach is nappy free and loves his Thomas the Tank Engine pants. Sara asked me to try a pair of said pants on purely for her own amusement. I obliged but they only went as far as my right calf…it was not pretty.
Ritual humiliation from all angles…… there is nothing quite like being grounded by your family!
This is Mark, Dad of 1 trying for 2 signing off till next time.
